The grandeur, sadness and nobility of man

I had the honor of being a part of a temporary community of men this past weekend. This group of men came together for a program of awareness, healing and intimacy. Men in this community ranged in age from men in their 20s to men in the late 60s and 70s, men from all walks of life and varying backgrounds. For me, it was a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride, both with regards to myself and my own issues as well as for men in general. I think the thing that stood out the most for me is the myriad of thoughts, feelings and experiences that we all go through on our journey to be human, and more specifically to be men.

Over the weekend, I was honored to see so many miracles, so many instances of raw beauty, and instances of joy and ecstasy, pain and sorrow. I witnessed a distinguished older gentleman who truly felt the surge of erotic energy course through his entire body for the first time in many, many years, if he’d ever experienced anything like it ever in his life. I held him in my arms as he shook, and wept, and celebrated and prayed in thanksgiving and raw elation. I was the honored spectator for men who found such joy and happiness that their bodies shook with delight and the howled with glee. I observed men who scraped off the scabs of wounds that were deep into their souls, wounds that had festered and infected for years. In an instance, I saw men who laughed and danced for joy and at nearly the same instance, others who cried out in anguish and whose bodies shook with uncontrolled weeping.

Each and every one of these instances brought me to tears…some of happiness, some of sorrow, all of admiration and respect. As a number of men came up to me to comfort me, they asked why I looked so sad. After much thought, I responded that I found it profoundly sad that we as men are socialized to not feel, or at the very least to limit our spectrum of feelings. How is it that a presumably advanced society produces men that have so many boundaries and blockages built up that we can’t even feel our own natural erotic energies? How is it that we are conditioned to be so stoic and steadfast as to deny such powerful emotions? Why is it that our society’s definition of strength denies men the ability to be demonstrative of the very emotions, thoughts and feelings that make us human?

I looked back at these men who were so compassionately holding me, and through my tears I said that I found it overpoweringly heart wrenching that for us to find and openly express these emotions, both of ecstasy and grief, that we had to seek out contrived community experiences. Having to search out such safe places just to be human seemed so cruel.

Each and every one of these men has lived through trials and tribulations. And even the negative, most difficult of those, I celebrate as they are what made these men the awesome, inspiring creatures that they are, and had brought them to that exact spot at that exact time to serve up unequivocally the unconditional love, nurturing and support that we all crave as humans. These challenges had forged them into men of strength, of character, and of unspeakable generosity who could finally express that for themselves and for the others in our community. Looking deep into the eyes and soul of every one off these men allowed me to see and feel their distress and their jubilation. It was a most beautiful and profound experience, and if any of them read this, I will be forever moved by who you are….in that moment and on our planet.

Each of these men represent millions of others, most of whom have not had the benefit of such a community experience, however brief. Let all of us as men who have that unique understanding of each other’s experiences reach out to those men around us, if only for a second, to offer that sense of understanding, support and honoring. We are all truly amazing creatures.

Life in the Big Easy Isn't

Life in The Big Easy Isn’t

(Originally posted March 2007)
Last week, I had the opportunity to go to New Orleans on business. I have a couple of friends and a number of acquaintances in New Orleans so looked forward to the trip. I have always loved the vitality and personality of the city, the very unique mix of cultures, the food and festive atmosphere, and the beautiful architecture in the various parts of the city. Through brief conversations with these folks and ongoing news reports, I knew that Katrina had taken a toll on the city, but even now, 15 months later, I was not prepared to see what I did.
In the downtown area and throughout the historic French Quarter, it seemed that only about 65-70% of the businesses were open. There are some major hotels and restaurants there are just now opening—the Ritz-Carlton scheduled today to open it’s doors for the first time since the hurricane hit. The numbers of people I’m used to seeing in the streets, even in non-Mardi Gras season was just a fraction of what it is normally.
My friends then took me out driving to many areas with which I was familiar. As we drove through what had been long-established neighborhoods, I couldn’t hold back my tears. There were entire areas where there used to be a vibrant, thriving business and thousands of homes, and now the only sign that anything had ever been there was an occasional concrete slab, or a few pipes sticking up. Every tree, shrub and blade of grass was dead—not even weeds growing. Other neighborhoods were still wet, boats sticking out of homes. Mountains of trash where people are still just now returning to try to clean out what is left of their lives, watching the debris being picked up by bulldozers, loaded into trucks and hauled away. I saw house after house after house still with the waterlines on them (many on what roof shingles remained) and the spray paint markings on the doors left by Red Cross workers searching for survivors and leaving records of bodies found. Driving through most of these areas, I would see one house where someone had come back, cleaned up and was beginning to build a life again and the next occupied domicile being three blocks away, nothing but ruins in between. More often than not, the large parking lots or parcels of open land all over the area were covered with acre after acre of FEMA trailers, looking more like a sterile trailer dealership than any semblance of neighborhood or home. Throughout the city, roof after roof is still covered with blue plastic tarps trying to just keep the rain out. AND THIS IS FIFTEEN MONTHS LATER.
In talking with my friends through this, I heard tales of uninsured/under insured homeowners, instances where bad advice had been given out time and again, stories of people in distress being taken advantage of at nearly every turn. News reports that they estimated that even now, only about 40% of the former inhabitants of New Orleans and the area had returned. Considering that many federal financing programs are based on population numbers returning, that only made the story that much sadder. It only drove home the level of devastation laid forth by the hand of Mother Nature. I realize that it takes along time to recover, but it will truly be decades before anything resembling normal life will return to the majority of the Big Easy.
Every “native” I spoke to there, whether they were hotel staff, waitresses or bartenders, or friends and acquaintances, graciously thanked me and the professional association of which I am a part for coming back, saying that anyone coming down there and spending any money they could was accomplishing more and contributing more to the moral and rebuilding of New Orleans than anything the government has done to date. Tourism is a huge part of life in that city, and conventions, tours, and vacationers are still cancelling and going elsewhere. Many businesses, including hospitals, etc. are not even looking at rebuilding or opening, saying that there is not enough of a population or a tourism business to make it worth the efforts. Most of those I spoke with don’t want hand outs, but they do want people to come back, party and revel as they had before, and help the economy and the moral.
If anyone reads this, consider going to New Orleans on vacation. Do what you can to direct groups and professional associations to have their meetings there. There were still plenty of good hotels, restaurants, bars, and “happenings” going on that a great time could be had. And finally, please spend sometime in reflection to whatever greater power in which you believe about New Orleans. This jewel of a city and the rich culture that it represents is truly one of our national treasures, not to mention a culinary jewel and a great party spot.

At this time of Thanksgiving

At this time of Thanksgiving......  

Though in many ways, this has been a very tough year, I am thankful for so many things in my life: health, family and friends, a good career. Among these things I find you. With some of you I have had some amazing conversations, and with others I haven't had that privilege yet. Either way, we've somehow touched each other in positive ways or we wouldn't be connected here. Thank you for making a positive difference in my life this year!

I wish for you, your family and friends a most wonderful holiday season, one in which you enjoy the warmth and love of those around us, one in which we all take just a moment to recognize the blessings and advantages that we have in our lives, and one in which we all reach out to make a difference in someone else' life.

For whatever your spirituality, I wish for you a Happy Thanksgiving, health and happiness through this holiday season and the coming year.

*hugs*

Scott

Update and about male connections.....

update and about male connections.....

I realize that it's been quite a while since I added to my blog, had a few minutes so thought I would finally get to it.

Summer is here with a vengeance---humidity, heat, etc. I don't mind the heat but the humidity, to me, makes it much tougher to deal with. I have so far gotten out twice for some clothing optional camping, and one nude hike, and I'm heading out camping again this weekend.

I've also had the opportunity through various means to "meet" online and chat with several new male friends, some gay, some bi or straight and married, but all who have that same longing for a meaningful friendship and connection with another male. It never ceases to amaze me what great guys are out there, and yet how lonely and disconnected so many of us feel. I wonder if it is that with societal norms, as men we put so much into our jobs/careers, relationships, and, for many, children/families that we forget to take care of ourselves and our needs until such a point that we take that one moment to stop, look around ourselves and realize that we are out floating alone in that vast sea of people. It's not that we don't get a great deal of love and support from our spouses/partners, our children, even to a certain extent those with whom we work. But there are things that as men we want to be able to talk about, receive affirmation on, and to build some sort of friendship with other men that goes deeper than a wave across the back fence, or a nod to another in the gym. It's so great when you can really find one or two guys with whom you can just totally relax, not measure your words, not feel like there is a competition or that we need to work to live up to. As spouses and fathers, and as workers, we are so often put in a position of having to make decisions knowing that others we love and care about, or our livelihoods will be effected. When do we get to just totally relax without potential of impact on relationships or work? No wonder that men have such a high rate of stress related illnesses, many health problems and die earlier.

Take the time to just reach out and take one step further than that a wave across the back fence, or a nod to someone in the gym. Really mean it when you ask "how's it going?" Offer to help someone or really listen. Beginning to take small steps in making a real connection with other men can help us all heal!!

Nudist/Naturist Orientation

Nudist/Naturist Orientation

Ever wonder how we get our nudist/naturist orientation?

At least for me, it is an orientation like a sexual orientation--my nudism (and the accompanying aversion to clothes) been ingrained and natural within me since I was a young kid. I know that some learn their interest in nudism, or discover the freedom of nudity. I know from many others that I have talked with, nudism is as innate to them as their eye color or likes/dislikes of food.

So for those of us that it is just a natural part of us, how does it come about? I know that I was raised to believe that the human body is beautiful and amazing, but that message also came with a clear message of modesty, and nudity wasn't very common in my house. Yet at about age 11, I made a clear determination that I hated clothes. I'd be naked every chance I got. I'd go play in the woods and stash my clothes under a log to romp and play gleefully naked. At 11, I didn't know there was any such thing as nudists, naturists, or others who enjoyed a free lifestyle like that.

So what brings that about? I'd be interested in hearing how others came into nudism or naturism. How old were you when it first started? Were you introduced to it by someone? Had you seen others enjoying life nude? If you are reading this, share with me!!

About Massage and Honoring Another

About Massage and Honoring Another

I love giving and receiving massage. I believe that it is truly a wonderful gift that one can bestow on another. It is (or at least should be) a direct physical and emotional connection between two or more people, a connection that is not at all like any other connection. I prefer that both parties be nude (not a surprise for anyone who knows me) for I think that creates a much more open, trusting and profound connection between masseur and the massaged. It is the sharing and giving of energy from one to another.

In this same vein, I truly believe that one of the most wonderful and intimate ways to honor another is to bathe and massage them--truly paying homage to the temple that embodies their physical, emotional and spiritual selves. In a world that is so disconnected, what could be more beautiful?

About Nudism and Nudity

About nudism and nudity

I have hated wearing clothes since I was a little kid. My family was not particularly nude friendly, but even at 10-11 years old, I'd go into the woods, stash my clothes under a log and play and romp gleefully free and naked, then grab my clothes and head home. I started living as a nudist full time when I moved to college and I have lived as nude as possible ever since.

I find that I only feel free or can relax if I am without garments. I love the feel of air currents, or flowing water all over by body. To me, it is totally about comfort, freedom, and hightened tactile senses. I love finding others who feel the same way to just get together and hang out (literally) and relax. I also find that when others are nude, they tend to be more open and honest, sharing more of themselves, and creating a much more profound connection with others.

About Sex........

About Sex

I've been sexually curious and active since I was a kid, and I believe that sex and the enjoyment of my body is one of the greatest gifts that the Gods and Goddesses gave each of us.

My sexuality has been, at least a large part of it, an exploration into my body and my senses: what hightens them, how much I can take, new turn ons, and particularly exploring these same things with others as well. I find that my sexual attraction transcends any sort of lines based on gender or even looks.

I find myself in tuned to a raw spirituality and sexuality with many and it is there that I find my attraction and desire. I also think sex and play should be fun--some take themselves or sex WAY too seriously. That's not to say that it isn't or shouldn't be intense at times.

I find myself connecting with others in different ways at different times. Sometimes I top and am aggressive, sometimes I bottom and love to give myself over to someone. Sometimes I love soft "vanilla" and other times I like rougher, kinkier expressions between me and my partner(s). I'm accomplished with kink and dungeon implements and toys, but like most I have my favorites.

I find I am most attracted to confidence and honesty with a touch of mystery. I much prefer archtypical masculine men and equally feminine women. And where the two can come together would be the absolute best.

About Male Friendships

About male friendships

I believe that men have an inherent desire for platonic close friendships with other men. We see women being so open, caring and sharing, and building closeness between them. We get tired of
holding all of this crap inside us and long to share with another who is in similar situation--another man, same socialization, same family pressures, same high expectations.

Most humans, men and women alike, are not necessarily "loners"--at the same time, no matter how amazing a love relationship is and no matter who/what that relationship is with, it is so very seldom that one relationship can fulfill the plethora of needs and desires that each complicated human has. In my mind, for so many men who are in deep. loving relationships with women, may not want a deep friendship with another woman....his wife/partner fulfills all of the feminine type perspectives that he wants/needs---and therefore he would like (but unfortunately can seldom find) a good, close, deep male friendship to 'round out' what he's looking for. Even men I know in deep romantic relationships with other men need/desire a male friendship that doesn't include the issues of romanticism, possessiveness and other issues involved in primary relationships.

I fantasize about finding a buddy with whom I can be completely comfortable in all situations, from whom I feel unconditional love and support, and with whom I share many, many common interests. I dream of a 'brother' that I enjoy sharing time with, talking, playing, working, challenging and supporting. I'd be interested in hearing from others who are privileged enough to have such a friend on how they found that person, how they cultivated and nurtured that relationship, and even how that has been effected by other relationships (wives/partners, children, etc.) and how you maintain that wonderful friendship without spouses/significant others and family feeling threatened.

Certainly if there is another man in my area who yearns for this closeness with other, I'll buy the first beer or cup of coffee to talk!

About Clothes.....From Gibran's The Prophet

About clothes.....

Your clothes conceal much of your beauty,
yet they hide not the unbeautiful.
And though you seek in garments the freedom of privacy,
you may find in them a harness and a chain.

Would that you could meet the sun and the wind
with more of your skin and less of your raiment.
For the breath of life is in the wind.
Some of you say, "It is the north wind
who has woven the clothes we wear."
And I say, Ay, it is the north wind,
But shame was his loom,
and the softening of the sinews was his thread.

And when his work was done he laughed in the forest.
Forget not that modestly is for a shield a
gainst the eye of the unclean.
And when the unclean shall be no more,
what were modesty but a fetter and a fouling of the mind?

And forget not that the earth delights
to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.

Kahlil GIbran, The Prophet